June 17, 2008 at 9:28 am | Posted in life, Sanjana | Leave a comment

Back in november ’07, I was chatting with J. General stuff, Family, Marriages, Work, and so on. I mentioned that Sanj would be starting school in Jan. “Oh, poor you. Empty Nest and all”

Me: “Eh?”

J: “Wont you miss her?”

Me: “How could I? I will be at office when she’s at school! I am pleased- thats 4 hours she wont be watching TV”

Fastforward 2 mths to Jan ’08. I packed Sanj off in her school van. And cried all the way to office. No Kidding. Never thought I would CRY to send my child off to school. Especially when that is something I had been talking about for a YEAR.  I am not a cool mother at all :(. Decidedly uncool, come to think of it. Even Suresh was surprised. “Crying?? WHY? I thought you would be totally brave about this!!”.

Me: “Brave, maybe. Heartless, no” (I did not add “Wimpish, definitely”, though the thought did flutter past in my mind)




May 17, 2007 at 10:36 am | Posted in life, problems | Leave a comment

Is what makes you check news.google.co.uk every 20 minutes, to see if Madeleine McCann has been found. Its the same thing that makes you go squishy inside, barely suppress your tears as you see Kate McCann clutching her daughter’s toy. Its what makes you feel so utterly, horribly helpless as you see photographs of a very cute, blonde girl smiling/biking/doing anything a 3 yearold would do.

I am surprised at the disappointment/frustration I feel when I see there have been no developments in the case. And the anger against those idiots blaming the McCanns for leaving their children alone. If you dont have the sense to see that Parents are not Gods, and a small decision can have monumentally disastrous consequences one just could not have foreseen, you probably should not become a parent yourself. Please, please spare the rest of us from your idiot gene.

It seems so inadequate to say my prayers are with them, but there doesnt seem to be anything else I can do.

General Notes around swimming

May 15, 2007 at 10:24 am | Posted in life, Thoughts | 2 Comments

Introducing —- Aish, the swimming champ

Have been wanting to learn swimming for over 7 years now. Finally started 3 days back. Had to do some heavy duty maneouvering for that- come to Mom’s place, so I can have the time. Wake up at 6:00 so I get to come back home by the time sanj wakes up. The most difficult part, however, was finding the place to learn. This is rather surprising considering my standards arent all that high- I just wanted some place which would teach me, prefereable early morning. Technique, style be damned. And you wont believe how long I took to finalize upon one.

Some thoughts:
1. Savera Hotel has a decent pool, but the atmosphere gave me some really bad vibes. I dont mind getting into a co-ed pool when a male friend/companion is around, but without one, all by myself, somehow makes me feel defenseless. I generally dislike these ladies only things – reservations, train coaches, etc. But swimming and buses are two areas where the sheer practicalityof having ladies’ seats and ladies’ timings/pool hits me. hard. This is because of guys being such creeps here, more than anything else. The fact that people think “Why does she need to learn swimming at her age”. My regular auto guy actually asked me that. “Ithu romba over”. WTF?

Its funny that something out of the VERY ordinary is equated to to crankiness/loose morals in chennai. Not funny, actually. Incredibly Annoying.

2. I dont have a great figure, but when I went to the pool I was actually happy I was not as plump as some of the others- which is quite a shameful thought. It struck me that the girls who were not particularly terrific to look at and still did not think twice about climbing into a very fashionable suit are the ones to be admired. It denotes a “Who cares” attitude, which is exactly what, in future, I would love to have Sanjana develop. Also brings to my mind, that for all my posturing about beauty being merely skin deep, I fundamentally dislike not liking looking anything less than presentable.

3. I have always felt (thinking objectively) that I am good in water- the very first time in my adult life I was dunked into the sea by an idiot thinking she was drowning, I found myself thinking very, very objectively, with no signs of panic. I took me jsut about 15 minutes in a pool to lose my fear of putting my head under water. And just one session with Suresh to learn to float. (Leaving the rail the first time is the most difficult, IMHO). And today, I was doing a few lenghts (supported by float, of course), I felt rather sad I never had the opportunity as a child to explore this. I never learnt anythign interesting when I was a kid- none of the schools I attended had any focus on anything extracurricular. and damn it, I had potential (we all do, so am not boasting).

I dont want any child of mine thinking his/her parent did not do something that could have added value to her.

But otherwise, am having great fun. the coach is teaching us the breaststroke. No individual attention or anything – too many women and kids in too small a pool for that. But am finally learning.

Amazing how you can get into victim mode

April 17, 2007 at 5:17 am | Posted in crap, life | 3 Comments

When you are the one doing the victimizing.


“I don’t mind competing in CAT (Common Admission Test) with general category students. The problem arises at the interview stage.
“We (OBC students) can’t speak chaste English like many of the general category students. That’s why the quota was so important for us,” said Rajesh

Poor baby. He doesnt mind competing CAT in the general category. How generous of him.

For jerks like Rajesh here, do you know how long I prepared for CAT? THREE FUCKING LONG YEARS. For three years, I constantly watched my grammar. I constantly looked up my diction. I consciously managed the way I spoke. And I did not get through at IIM A. I got an interview call, and failed the interview. You f***** jerk! What ever makes you think you are more entitled to get in that I am, just because I was born a “brahmin”?

And incidentally, just for the record, the board at the the IIMs wont fail you just because of poor english. If you want ot succeed, succeed on accountof hard work. Short cuts in life dont work. They mess up the system for ALL of us.

Freedom is an illusion. It always comes at a price.

March 7, 2007 at 12:06 pm | Posted in coincidences, life, problems | 5 Comments

Thats a line from Stroud’s “The Amulet of Samarkand”. Is there a message for me there, i wonder. Freedom is ALL I have been thinking about the past few days, and suddenly this line jumps out at me from the book. Not that I am toeing the line espoused by Bach in Illusions, (the book of knowledge types. If you look for an answer, you will find it). I think thats total gibberish.

For one, its something like a prophecy. If you want to find meaning in nonsense, you will. Take Nostradamus’ prophecies for one. Pick up one, and I bet you can find a way to relate it to a range of everyday events – from the US invasion of Iraq to the totally unimaginative budget from the Finance Minister. For another, in a book of 300 plus pages, and approximately 7000 lines, you are bound to find something that strikes a chord. Simple application of the law of probability.

Memories come creeping – part deux

February 20, 2007 at 8:34 am | Posted in life, Nostalgia | Leave a comment

I was just stepping out of the lift, you were standing right behind me. You were wearing a blue shirt, I think, not too sure. I remember noting the stylized ‘R’ on your pen- Can imagine how foolish I would have looked when I said “R for Ralhan??” (the tone was surprize, awe, wonder, and all things dumb, basically) and you returned, “No, for Reynolds”.

Yeah, yeah, laugh. Thats one of the very small of the embarrassing moments I just could not recollect when you guys badgered me that sunday.

Self Image

December 22, 2006 at 11:47 am | Posted in life | Leave a comment

First – me in fancy dress at the konark function. I know, I havent posed particularly well, but i found it excruciatingly awkward asking someone to take a photo on acc of fancy togs- but here goes:

Next – I am currently measuring up the lowest on my weiging scales in the past 4+ years. But I simply dont find myself thin! The human mind is a funny thing, isnt it? I study myself in the mirror, but never find myself particularly thin- keep thinking of myself as tending towards slim, but not thin.

Or in school- for a long time I was on of the shortest at home as well as at school- in assembly, I used to stand at the third or fourth position until I was about 14 (think: Ascending order of height – how i hated it!). All the more galling, coming as I did, from a family where everyone was well above the average height for their sex. A sudden (and very strong) growth spurt put me at third or fourth from the end by the time I was fifteen – but it took me years to think of myself as NOT SHORT. Even after I started MBA I would be taken aback by people giving oblique compliments – “With your height, why do you need heeled shoes?”. I THINK it was a compliment- not too sure, though. Height is not the only reason for a girl to wear heeled shoes, is it?

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