May 17, 2007 at 10:36 am | Posted in life, problems | Leave a comment

Is what makes you check news.google.co.uk every 20 minutes, to see if Madeleine McCann has been found. Its the same thing that makes you go squishy inside, barely suppress your tears as you see Kate McCann clutching her daughter’s toy. Its what makes you feel so utterly, horribly helpless as you see photographs of a very cute, blonde girl smiling/biking/doing anything a 3 yearold would do.

I am surprised at the disappointment/frustration I feel when I see there have been no developments in the case. And the anger against those idiots blaming the McCanns for leaving their children alone. If you dont have the sense to see that Parents are not Gods, and a small decision can have monumentally disastrous consequences one just could not have foreseen, you probably should not become a parent yourself. Please, please spare the rest of us from your idiot gene.

It seems so inadequate to say my prayers are with them, but there doesnt seem to be anything else I can do.


General Notes around swimming

May 15, 2007 at 10:24 am | Posted in life, Thoughts | 2 Comments

Introducing —- Aish, the swimming champ

Have been wanting to learn swimming for over 7 years now. Finally started 3 days back. Had to do some heavy duty maneouvering for that- come to Mom’s place, so I can have the time. Wake up at 6:00 so I get to come back home by the time sanj wakes up. The most difficult part, however, was finding the place to learn. This is rather surprising considering my standards arent all that high- I just wanted some place which would teach me, prefereable early morning. Technique, style be damned. And you wont believe how long I took to finalize upon one.

Some thoughts:
1. Savera Hotel has a decent pool, but the atmosphere gave me some really bad vibes. I dont mind getting into a co-ed pool when a male friend/companion is around, but without one, all by myself, somehow makes me feel defenseless. I generally dislike these ladies only things – reservations, train coaches, etc. But swimming and buses are two areas where the sheer practicalityof having ladies’ seats and ladies’ timings/pool hits me. hard. This is because of guys being such creeps here, more than anything else. The fact that people think “Why does she need to learn swimming at her age”. My regular auto guy actually asked me that. “Ithu romba over”. WTF?

Its funny that something out of the VERY ordinary is equated to to crankiness/loose morals in chennai. Not funny, actually. Incredibly Annoying.

2. I dont have a great figure, but when I went to the pool I was actually happy I was not as plump as some of the others- which is quite a shameful thought. It struck me that the girls who were not particularly terrific to look at and still did not think twice about climbing into a very fashionable suit are the ones to be admired. It denotes a “Who cares” attitude, which is exactly what, in future, I would love to have Sanjana develop. Also brings to my mind, that for all my posturing about beauty being merely skin deep, I fundamentally dislike not liking looking anything less than presentable.

3. I have always felt (thinking objectively) that I am good in water- the very first time in my adult life I was dunked into the sea by an idiot thinking she was drowning, I found myself thinking very, very objectively, with no signs of panic. I took me jsut about 15 minutes in a pool to lose my fear of putting my head under water. And just one session with Suresh to learn to float. (Leaving the rail the first time is the most difficult, IMHO). And today, I was doing a few lenghts (supported by float, of course), I felt rather sad I never had the opportunity as a child to explore this. I never learnt anythign interesting when I was a kid- none of the schools I attended had any focus on anything extracurricular. and damn it, I had potential (we all do, so am not boasting).

I dont want any child of mine thinking his/her parent did not do something that could have added value to her.

But otherwise, am having great fun. the coach is teaching us the breaststroke. No individual attention or anything – too many women and kids in too small a pool for that. But am finally learning.

All about a mother’s selfless love and all that

May 7, 2007 at 5:57 am | Posted in Sanjana, Thoughts | 1 Comment

Why my love for Sanjana should make it to one of those soppy movie scripts
1. Sanjana will never love me as much as I love her
2. Whats more, I don’t want her to love me as much. I would much rather she reserves that love for someone who’s going to be by her side through all of life’s trials and tribulations.
3. After 30 years, when I am old and enfeebled and all that, I wouldnt want Sanj to be at my beck and call and take care of me, because “she is my own”. I would rather she hired a nurse to take care of me, and dropped in to see me – say once a week or twice a month or so. This, of course, does not mean the reverse- if ever Sanj needs me, I will drop ANYTHING I have at hand and attend to her IMMEDIATELY
4. I expect nothing, absolutely NOTHING from her. (Well, love for me would be nice, but I would settle for a pleasant friendship)
5. She is the biggest project in my life- I read to her, hoping to stimulate an interest in books, I sing to her, hoping to get her to appreciate classical music, I take her for walks, hoping to instill an interest in the world around her… But I dont think she could ever disappoint me if ANY of the above did not materialize.

I guess this follows from my philosophy of parenthood. If you bring a life in to the world, you have the moral responsibility to give her (or him) as strong a foundation as you can, to ensure he is prepared to face the world.

And it also makes me feel – If I loved everyone around me half as much as I love Sanj, life would be a lot easier. and simpler.

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