Self Image

December 22, 2006 at 11:47 am | Posted in life | Leave a comment

First – me in fancy dress at the konark function. I know, I havent posed particularly well, but i found it excruciatingly awkward asking someone to take a photo on acc of fancy togs- but here goes:

Next – I am currently measuring up the lowest on my weiging scales in the past 4+ years. But I simply dont find myself thin! The human mind is a funny thing, isnt it? I study myself in the mirror, but never find myself particularly thin- keep thinking of myself as tending towards slim, but not thin.

Or in school- for a long time I was on of the shortest at home as well as at school- in assembly, I used to stand at the third or fourth position until I was about 14 (think: Ascending order of height – how i hated it!). All the more galling, coming as I did, from a family where everyone was well above the average height for their sex. A sudden (and very strong) growth spurt put me at third or fourth from the end by the time I was fifteen – but it took me years to think of myself as NOT SHORT. Even after I started MBA I would be taken aback by people giving oblique compliments – “With your height, why do you need heeled shoes?”. I THINK it was a compliment- not too sure, though. Height is not the only reason for a girl to wear heeled shoes, is it?

Important Post, long overdue

December 15, 2006 at 11:26 am | Posted in Sanjana | Leave a comment

The one where I visited Sanj’s cardiologist and actually came back feeling happy.

Yeah. Finally a post where there is real good news- “Very small, closing hole” was the verdict. Thank you, God. Thank you, doctor. Thank you, thank you. I cant repeat the words often enough.

No surgery will be needed, ever. And in any case, the hole is likely to close up anytime now. And, most important, we have stopped the meds for her heart.

Of course, this happened a couple of months ago. Have been putting off writing about it, though, dont know why.

Even when we were waiting for the doc to come in, Suresh & I never expected to hear news as fantastic as this was- at max, we were expecting to hear that the hole had become smaller still, and that the prognosis is good or some such wishy-washy info docs throw at their patients, when there is nothing better that they can say. I wanted to stock up on Sanj’s heart meds, and Suresh was suggesting we wait until after meeting the doc- just in case there are other meds he prescribes. Its like Pavlov’s dog- every visit to Dr Ranjit, and I would be filled with anxiety and suspense- woould he how tell us the hole is gone? Would he? and each time has ended in bitter disappointment, tears, depression. Except this time. Ironically enough, I had gotten so used to Dr R saying she is mending, that I did not expect anything better this time. It was a surprise to actually hear him say its almost gone!

I will have to strive to get used to normalcy now. The VSD was such a dark cloud that was always hovering around me, and now that it is removed, I find myself groping around, trying to get accustomed to bright light after an extended period in the dark.

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